Working for The Man

My friends, sorry I haven’t written for awhile. I’ve been overwhelmed with work. Not so much by the volume of work, but rather by the stressful nature of work.

There's much that I want to tell you about, from how I wish the 90's hi-top Gumby fade haircut makes a comeback (hence Bobby Brown’s pic to the left) (you know, I used to want to be Bobby Brown), to Shanghai taxis, to my friend Stan’s rules for Samurai Dating (the honorable way for a man to flirt while he is in a serious relationship), but I just have not been able to find time to write.

Instead, I give you insights on how to decode and prioritize work requests, from my 13 years of experience working in the Large American Corporation:

(1) "Urgent"(as in, "I need this to be done on an urgent basis"): this typically means that the end product is actually not needed for awhile, probably 2 weeks, but it has been marked urgent so you won't ignore it. I tend to ignore these for at least 48 hours. That's probably why, lately, people have been sending me requests of a "very urgent" nature.

(2) "Very Urgent" (as in, "I need this right away, it's very urgent that you review this by COB today") (COB means close-of-business, for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo of the Large American Corporation): these types of requests typically have little to do with how urgent the task actually is. Rather, they tend to come from the ranks of managers (or below) who copy their supervisor on these very urgent requests, mainly to show their supervisor that they are working on something important. Of course, these tend to be not all that important, so I will not look at these until I get a second reminder (which comes invariably, like, about 5 days later, in spite of the whole COB thing).

(3) "When you get a chance" (as in, "No worries, I know you're busy, so take a look at this when you get a chance"): I always look at these right away. Because I know people don't want me to look at something and find that it doesn't smell right. They don't want me slowing things down and so they try to throw me off their scent. But they can't fool me, cos I'm the super crime fighting dog of compliance, Ooof Ooof, Bark Bark, Aaaaoooooooooww!

While we're on the subject of work requests. I've been thinking about ways to improve my level of service to my clients at the office. I want to be able to anticipate what they need, before they ask. Because The Customer is king. The Customer is always right. So I think my first response to any work request should be: "Do you want fries with that?"

The Man: "I need this right away, it's very urgent that you review this by COB today"

Me: "Do you want fries with that?"

I end with (who else) Bobby Brown and his Gumby fade. And check out those tight lycra shorts.