I, Punisher

I bought a car recently, a small red Honda Fit. It's immensely well-engineered and practical, just about the perfect commuter car.

I bought the car to drive to/from work. Taking the subway in Shanghai during peak hours is, let’s just say, a dehumanizing experience. And taxi’s are not always reliable, especially on rainy days or at peak commute. So driving is really the only way for me to be more in control of my commute -- I wish I didn’t have to drive, but this is the reality of local public transportation as well as our way-in-the-boondocks office location on the far, far east side of town.

I hate driving in Shanghai, it’s pure chaos. There is a perfect storm here of bad roads, narrow roads, irrational road grids, constant road construction, ultra aggressive drivers, even more aggressive taxi drivers, beyond caring bus drivers who I swear drive with blindfolds, beginner drivers, bad drivers, careless drivers, small trucks, heavy trucks, bicyclists and scooterists who swerve in and out of traffic and ride on both sides of the road, pedestrians who like to walk in the middle of the road, extreme over-population, and all of these aforesaid people never, ever exercising lane discipline or obeying traffic lights. Everyday, I witness incidents on the roads here that should not ever happen among decent caring people, or in civil society.

I’ve never been a patient driver, even in the U.S. In my first summer in L.A. (2001), I actually broke the horn on a rental car from banging on it too much. So when I first started driving in Shanghai 2 months ago, I’d get road rage 2-3 times each way to/from the office. I swear the sound of my car horn is about half an octave lower from over-use.

But I don’t get mad as much now compared to when I first started to drive, partly because I’ve gotten used to the chaos and have developed a sixth sense of when I’m going to get cut-off or when some guy on a scooter will run a red light without even looking. Well, ok, it’s not really a sixth sense because basically I just expect it to happen all the time. But my anger has been diffused primarily due to the realization of what the real problem is with Shanghai driving: it’s the problem of externalities.

In economic terms, externalities in a given transaction occur when prices do not reflect the true cost or benefit. In Shanghai traffic terms, the true consequences of bad driving are externalities; the Uncouth Participants in the chaos of Shanghai roads do not account for the bad things that could happen to them as a result of their uncouth behavior.

So how do these traffic externalities get internalized? This is where I come in. I do my utmost to help solve the problem of externalities on Shanghai roads. I am The Punisher.

No no no, I’m not this raging mass of anger on the roads, I don’t maim, kidnap or kill like Frank Castle. I merely threaten to. You see, my approach to driving, the praxis of my driving, if you will, is a calm, detached, and almost analytical approach to figuring out how best to solve the problem of externalities. When I get cut-off, I will in turn look for an opportunity to cut them off. When someone floats into my lane, I make sure they get an earful of horn, and I will ease into their lane. When someone honks at me for no reason, I will repeat their honking pattern and also flip them the bird, i.e. give them a view of my extended middle finger. When someone runs a red light, I usually speed up to try to hit them -- of course I don’t actually hit them, I just want them to understand that they could easily have gotten run over. In doing so, I help internalize the consequences of uncouth behavior to the Uncouth Participants.

It’s not easy to be a lone crusader for efficiency in driving decision-making. I often need to make split second decisions, choosing among multiple potential solutions of, say, to speed up and swerve into the offender’s lane, or brake suddenly so the guy behind me gets off my ass, or roll down the window and extend my middle finger, or steer my little red Honda towards the stray pedestrian. It requires dogged determination, to chase down an Uncouth Participant in a reasonable amount of time so that said offender realizes that my cutting them off is a direct consequence of their own offending conduct.

I'm convinced that I'm on the right path, that in the end, Shanghai traffic will be better for my efforts, that perhaps civic virtue may even begin to flower. But, if all else fails, if nothing else, I will have at least introduced Shanghai drivers to the concept of The Finger, adding this colorful gesture to the local lexicon...

Blogging Relapse

Sorry folks, I’ve gone off the wagon and fallen into blogging relapse. Actually, not much of interest has happened to me recently, primarily due to my job taking up about 97% of my f*cking miserable waking life, and that includes bathroom time (thinking about job crap on the can and in the shower), so you and me both, we’re not missing much. (Well, I did go to Hawaii for a few days for a family reunion, and stopped through Tokyo for 48 hours (pics above) on the way back, but I slept through most of the trip due to work-induced fatigue...)

And so I’ve started a sort of mini photo-based blog, where I upload 1 pic a day taken from my iPhone. I’m trying to do it every day for 365 consecutive days. Check it out here.

But do check back here occasionally for my periodic lengthier blabbers.

World According to Khemra, Part 2

I've been thinking about Mr. Khemra, my Siem Reap tour guide. My account of our day together below seems ... somehow incomplete. As much as I try, I find it difficult to avoid my reductionist tendencies. Hence, I give you my follow up, imaginary conversation with Khemra. This is the conversation we would have had, if I spent a second day with him, if he could express himself fully in his self-taught English, and if I were not so hungover the day after and had the energy to spend a second night out with the worldly ex monk.

Khemra, how are you feeling today? Aren't you tired after our bender?

Yeah very good, I sleep only a few hours a night anyway during the high season. All customers want to see sunset at Pre Rup or Phnom Bakeng temples, so I get home around 10 p.m., then I study English until midnight, then I wake up at 3:30 a.m. because all customers want to see sunrise at Angkor Wat. So I am fine, feel good today, only sleep a few hours.

Yesterday, you told me everything about yourself, and took me to see your master, your grandmother and your best friend who is now the associate head monk at Angkor Wat. Why did you do that, for a complete stranger?

Maybe you find it strange, but I grow up in temple, not many chances to make friends aside from orphans and monks, I don't know any other way to make friends. I do this with people I meet, sometimes they call me the next day and say "Khemra, I cannot be friends with you, you come from bad family and poor family". Sometimes they become my friends.

Khemra, don't you have any ... misgivings about getting drunk and chasing girls, as an ex holy man, a spiritual man?

I'm not a monk anymore, I want to enjoy life. There are 33 levels toward heaven and 33 levels toward hell. What I do in this life simply determines where I come out in the next life.

Perhaps my Buddha is more forgiving than your God. Perhaps my Buddha better understands human frailties, that it is not easy to abandon the flesh and forsake the wants of the flesh, and that there is nothing inherently bad about getting drunk or chasing girls, it is more a matter of what consequences these acts have on the journey toward nirvana. If I do not lead a good life, then the consequence is simple, that my karmic wheel continues to spin, but I have maybe 33 or 65 or even an infinite number of more chances (if I can put up with the suffering of all that is entailed). You on the other hand have no margin for error -- your God seems wanton and cruel, he doesn't even allow for the sampling error of one short lifetime!

And I am an honest person. My master tells me honesty is the most important thing. Am I a bad person because I get drunk? I do not understand why (very occasional) drunkenness is worse than lying. I do not understand why giving in to the wants of the flesh is somehow worse than deceiving another man.

That's very interesting, what you say about actions as having consequences vs. having a value attached such as "good" or "bad". I wonder if that's why your country or other Buddhist countries like Thailand are so ... non-judgmental, so live-and-let-live?

"Live-and-let-live", you mean "live-and-let-die", the Guns N Roses song? Yeah very good, rock n roll!

Umm, ok, you said yesterday that your friend stayed in the temple to become a monk, because he is uneducated and cannot survive outside of the temple. But what about the spiritual component, that he must also want to pursue a spiritual life?

Yes it is true, my friend will spend his life helping orphans. He already set up one orphanage. He wants to help kids like us, poor and desperate, without any other means to survive. But you cannot deny the practical. My best friend is illiterate and is blind in one eye, he has no skills to get a job, if he did not have the temple he would be a beggar and starve.

In practical terms, you can look at our temple as your orphanage and nursing home and hospice equivalent. The villagers give temples food and drink, and pay money to the monks for funerals. The temple in turn takes in the orphans and the ill and the old and the feeble. The temple is our village safety net. It is not so different from the role of medieval monasteries in your world.

Ok, so what's on the schedule for today my friend?

We eat amok fish and lok lak beef and drink beer. Yeah very good!

Ppl

I took a lot of photos on my Cambodia trip. But I found myself getting bored with temple pics, sunrise pics, sunset pics, river pics, tree growing on temple ruins pics, stone Buddha pics, etc etc. I find that taking pics of people is much more enjoyable. On my last day in Siem Reap, I pedaled a hotel-rented bike down some dirt roads a couple of hours outside of town, and ran into a bunch of schoolkids, sleeping kids, construction workers, vendors, guys playing volleyball on dirt, roadside barbers and monks. What fun! Especially compared to waiting for 2 hours for the only 20 minutes of the day for the right sunset (and screwing up the pic, as usual for me).

World According to Khemra

I spent my Chinese New Year vacation in Siem Reap, Cambodia, to see Angkor Wat. It was, as usual, a last minute decision with the consequences being last minute high prices and last minute convoluted itinerary: I had to fly from Shanghai to Shenzhen to Kuala Lumpur, with an overnight 5-hour layover at the LCC Terminal (with me sleeping on a bench outside, waking up with mosquito bites up and down my arms), and then finally to Siem Reap. It was the same on the way back, but I spent the night in Kuala Lumpur and managed to eat about 4 meals in 12 hours, mostly at the Jalan Alor hawker street.

In Siem Reap, I did the usual temple stuff: the Grand Circuit and the Petit Circuit, 2 sunrises at Angkor Wat and a sunset at Phnom Bakeng temple. I did most of the temple visits on my own, but went on the Petit Circuit (basically Bayon, Banteay Srey, Angkor Wat) with a tour guide, because I wanted to get explanations of the history of the temples and the temple carvings.

My tour guide was Mr. Khemra, a 20-something ex Angkor Wat monk, ex laundry boy, ex casino cashier and ex Angkor Wat ticket controller. He wasn’t much of a tour guide. I think he learned his tour guide shpiel from Lonely Planet. And he has an achievement oriented approach to temple-ing -- see temple, climb temple, next temple. I would have enjoyed it more on my own.

But Khemra was a fascinating guy to spend a day with. The following, in Q&A format for your easy reading, is a rough transcription of my 12 hours with Khemra:

You were a monk at the Angkor Wat monastery? How did that happen?

I was orphan, my father killed by Khmer Rouge, my mother got married again when I was 7 years old, we are very poor so she sent me to live in the temple. My grandmother was already a nun at the temple because she was old and no-one to take care of her. So I went to the temple with a letter from my mother, my master asked me a few questions, and I stayed for 15 years!

Why did you leave? Was your master angry with you?

I wanted to see the world outside of the temple. You know some people become monks because they cannot survive outside of the temple, they are orphans and uneducated and come from a background like mine, and temple life is all they know. I want to experience more, I think I have the ability to survive outside the temple.

My master was not angry. When I told him the reason he encouraged me to leave. I still see my master almost everyday.

What did you do after you left the temple?

First, I went to live with my aunt in Siem Reap. I worked as a laundry boy at a hotel. Then I worked as a cashier in a casino near the Cambodia-Thailand border, after that I was a ticket controller at Angkor Wat. When my English improved, I got my tour guide license.

I only make US$200 a month, this only allows me to pay $40 a month for a room, pay my grandmother’s debt to the bank that she took out to pay for my tour guide license, some English books, and maybe 1 or 2 nights a month when I go out for fun. [Ed.: more on these nights out for fun, later…] I always worry about my future. I have no education, I learned everything from monks at the temple, and studied English on my own. I go to English school only when I save enough money. I want to get better at English, and go abroad, and find a European girlfriend!

Do you like being a tour guide?

Yeah very good, I like meeting people from all over the world. What do I think of the people I meet? --

Japanese: very good girls, many Japanese girls like Cambodian guys, yeah very good.

Thai: very very bad people, they think Angkor Wat belongs to them, if Prime Minister says go to war with Thailand, I join the army tomorrow!

Korean: bad people, no respect, always talk talk very loud in temple.

Chinese: very good to make money, every store in Siem Reap owned by Chinese people. Chinese girls, yeah very good, skin like white jade!

Europeans: yeah very good, I want to find European girlfriend! Oh I cannot stand Scottish customers, they talk so strange, last time I got Scottish customers I had to tell them to shut up at lunch time, I have to meditate at lunch time or else my head explode.

It’s only 4:30 p.m., how did we finish so fast?

Temples are the same, except maybe Banteay Srey because they make it from pink stone. All other ones, same thing, built by King Javayaman or one of his sons, either Hindu or Buddhist, sometimes both, no-ones knows exact story, you can read Lonely Planet, I buy for you for $7, $7 is Cambodian price but $20 for foreigners, I can buy for you for $7, yeah very good!

I take you to hotel, you take shower, I pick you up and we drink beer ok?

Do you tell your master about your life?

Of course, I tell my master everything, he tells me to enjoy life. My master only tells me to be honest, that’s most important. When I tell him about beer and pubs, he laughs.

Chinese New Year

It's eerily quiet in Shanghai. I checked out the rail station (pic) and there were no crowds, no mad rush, no snaking lines at ticket windows, kind of weird.

But I'll be spending the week in Siem Reap, Cambodia, to see Angkor Wat. I had thought about staying in Shanghai this Chinese New Year, but in the end, the freezing nasty cold weather made the decision easy -- I just don't do well in cold weather...

Eff'in Farm Fresh

Right now I’m an unshaven, unkempt, unruly looking man, suffering from vertigo, being back in the big city, sitting at the Guyang airport coffee shop while waiting for my flight back to Shanghai. Guyang is not exactly a big city, but any place that has wide paved roads, truck fumes and taxi-clogged traffic counts as City compared to where I’ve been for the past 2 weeks. It’s dizzying to be in a glass and steel encased space with stale air; seeing horn-rimmed glasses under gelled coifs, kids with clean faces and no running noses and not bundled up like a mini Michelin Man under 7 layers of clothing to keep the chill out; and having my toes and fingers thawed out by excessive all pervasive heating.

But before getting here, I couldn’t resist one last hurrah. On the way from Xijiang to Guyang (with a transfer in Kaili), I hopped off the bus after seeing a few dozen cattle under a freeway underpass, their breaths steaming in the morning sun. It turned out to be a cattle swap meet. (I’m not sure if you refer to them as cattle, steer, bull, cow, livestock or general bovine -- I confess to not know the difference, but I know they are destined to be beef.)

The animals ranged from year-old calves (which I’m told will fetch about CNY1,000) to big huge things that the locals use in spring festival bull fights (up to CNY10,000), led around by their owners by the nose, with about a hundred would be buyers circling. The cattle pissed and shat everywhere, and when one starts to moo the others join in a cacophony of moo, and vendors lined the side of the street hawking rice noodles.

After about 30 minutes, the buyers started in on their targets and the bargaining began. I didn’t completely understand the local dialect, but I think the bargaining went something like this: seller gives opening price, and buyer feigns shock and spits; buyer counters, and seller feigns disinterest and ignores buyer; buyer says the said cattle looks small for the price and tells seller to be reasonable, and spits; seller explains he has raised the cow for years and the buyer’s price doesn’t even cover his cost, and spits; meanwhile the cattle is getting scared shitless (well, not exactly, cos it continues to piss and shit) and wants to get away from all the people crowding around, so the owner lets the cattle walk but in a continuous circle; this bargaining and circling cattle dance continues for awhile, with both sides getting animated now, seller angry that buyer low-balls and buyer angry that seller knows the market price but doesn’t budge; the turning point seems to be if/when the two sides are close, then buyer offers a last concession and takes the roped cattle from seller to walk to the shack in the back to settle payment, and if seller lets this happen then the deal is sealed, but if seller takes the cattle back then buyer spits one last time and walks away.

I got jostled a bunch of times by circling and frightened cattle, stepped in lots of piss and shit, took pics while the farmers looked at me as if I were from another planet, and finally hailed another bus to get back on my way.

The people at the airport were looking at me funny when I got here. I suppose you can say that I look and smell farm fresh. The ticket agent looked like he was skeptical about whether I could afford the flight. Here at the coffee shop, the perfumed waitress made a point of first staring down at my mud caked boots and then flipping the menu for me to the low-budget section. Well, fuck Them and Their clean nails, cos I’m one with the cows and farmers!

Ok ok, I say this in my polar fleece top while eating a CNY78 bowl of noodles (which tastes like hell cos it ain’t farm fresh like me), while an iPod feeds Vida La Vida into my ears (…"I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing / Roman cavalry choirs are singing"…) as I type away on my laptop. But humor me. Give me my moment of solidarity with the people before I re-urbanate myself.

On The Prowl

Magic happens when the night lights come on in Xijiang. I spent the night prowling for the last pics of the trip, since this is probably my last night of the trip. I ended my New Years Day (and my trip?) with a greasy dinner at a local restaurant, where everyone except me and an old man ate hot pot with their friends -- is this old man eating by himself, a sign of things to come for me? Well, I'm having the time of my life, so if that's my path then so be it!

New Years Day 2009

New Years Day in Xijiang. The Miao girls prettied themselves up; squeal of pigs in the final throes, slaughtered for the day's feasts, could be heard throughout the valley; families sat around the fire getting happy off home brewed rice liquor.

It was cold and cloudy during the day, as it has been on this entire trip. I wandered around the town market and up and down the village on both sides of the valley, waiting for dusk and the town lights to come on, to make everything beautiful.