I, Punisher

I bought a car recently, a small red Honda Fit. It's immensely well-engineered and practical, just about the perfect commuter car.

I bought the car to drive to/from work. Taking the subway in Shanghai during peak hours is, let’s just say, a dehumanizing experience. And taxi’s are not always reliable, especially on rainy days or at peak commute. So driving is really the only way for me to be more in control of my commute -- I wish I didn’t have to drive, but this is the reality of local public transportation as well as our way-in-the-boondocks office location on the far, far east side of town.

I hate driving in Shanghai, it’s pure chaos. There is a perfect storm here of bad roads, narrow roads, irrational road grids, constant road construction, ultra aggressive drivers, even more aggressive taxi drivers, beyond caring bus drivers who I swear drive with blindfolds, beginner drivers, bad drivers, careless drivers, small trucks, heavy trucks, bicyclists and scooterists who swerve in and out of traffic and ride on both sides of the road, pedestrians who like to walk in the middle of the road, extreme over-population, and all of these aforesaid people never, ever exercising lane discipline or obeying traffic lights. Everyday, I witness incidents on the roads here that should not ever happen among decent caring people, or in civil society.

I’ve never been a patient driver, even in the U.S. In my first summer in L.A. (2001), I actually broke the horn on a rental car from banging on it too much. So when I first started driving in Shanghai 2 months ago, I’d get road rage 2-3 times each way to/from the office. I swear the sound of my car horn is about half an octave lower from over-use.

But I don’t get mad as much now compared to when I first started to drive, partly because I’ve gotten used to the chaos and have developed a sixth sense of when I’m going to get cut-off or when some guy on a scooter will run a red light without even looking. Well, ok, it’s not really a sixth sense because basically I just expect it to happen all the time. But my anger has been diffused primarily due to the realization of what the real problem is with Shanghai driving: it’s the problem of externalities.

In economic terms, externalities in a given transaction occur when prices do not reflect the true cost or benefit. In Shanghai traffic terms, the true consequences of bad driving are externalities; the Uncouth Participants in the chaos of Shanghai roads do not account for the bad things that could happen to them as a result of their uncouth behavior.

So how do these traffic externalities get internalized? This is where I come in. I do my utmost to help solve the problem of externalities on Shanghai roads. I am The Punisher.

No no no, I’m not this raging mass of anger on the roads, I don’t maim, kidnap or kill like Frank Castle. I merely threaten to. You see, my approach to driving, the praxis of my driving, if you will, is a calm, detached, and almost analytical approach to figuring out how best to solve the problem of externalities. When I get cut-off, I will in turn look for an opportunity to cut them off. When someone floats into my lane, I make sure they get an earful of horn, and I will ease into their lane. When someone honks at me for no reason, I will repeat their honking pattern and also flip them the bird, i.e. give them a view of my extended middle finger. When someone runs a red light, I usually speed up to try to hit them -- of course I don’t actually hit them, I just want them to understand that they could easily have gotten run over. In doing so, I help internalize the consequences of uncouth behavior to the Uncouth Participants.

It’s not easy to be a lone crusader for efficiency in driving decision-making. I often need to make split second decisions, choosing among multiple potential solutions of, say, to speed up and swerve into the offender’s lane, or brake suddenly so the guy behind me gets off my ass, or roll down the window and extend my middle finger, or steer my little red Honda towards the stray pedestrian. It requires dogged determination, to chase down an Uncouth Participant in a reasonable amount of time so that said offender realizes that my cutting them off is a direct consequence of their own offending conduct.

I'm convinced that I'm on the right path, that in the end, Shanghai traffic will be better for my efforts, that perhaps civic virtue may even begin to flower. But, if all else fails, if nothing else, I will have at least introduced Shanghai drivers to the concept of The Finger, adding this colorful gesture to the local lexicon...